Am 20 and still a virgin!

Dear Diana,
I turn 20 in two days but I'm still a virgin. Some nights, I lie awake at night and despise myself for it. There are times I think it's fine and that I shouldn't worry.

I've considered employing the services of a call girl to lose my virginity and get it over and done with but backed out at the last minute for fears of contracting STDs. I'm so confused all the time. It kills me to see a couple in the street or hear friends talking about their girlfriends. I feel so lonely all the time!

Name withheld

Dear Friend,
You're only 20. Stop fussing so much about still being a virgin. It's not all that big a deal as people make it out to be. Having safe sex with a sex worker isn't a good idea, either. I think you should hold out until you meet that someone special. Your first time should be with someone special or at least, someone who wants you sexually. I understand it must be difficult seeing others romancing their significant others while you're all alone but remember it's just a phase. Be optimistic. Times will change and you will find someone soon.

Will the attraction go away?

Dear Diana,
Why would two people who are really attracted to each other avoid or ignore one another? And, does this mean the attraction will go away or will it get worse?

Name withheld

Dear Friend,
This kind of behaviour generally becomes known as courting rituals. If you are attracted to someone, you generally give off an air of unavailability to improve your image in the other's eyes. All you have to do is persist in pursuing this love interest.

In sickness and in health?

Dear Diana,
We've been married ten years and he's been sick for eight of those years. We have no idea what he's ailing from. He's lost a lot of weight, to the point of being skin and bones now. I'm just not attracted to him anymore. When we do have sex, I feel pressured.

I am so unhappy. I still love him and that's why I'm still with him. I'm not perfect but I still have the same body as I did when we got married. I don't know what to do! He's always mad cause I don't want to sleep with him anymore. He always accuses me of cheating and I've never done that. I can't come out, hurt his feelings and say he disgusts me and that's why I can't sleep with him. Help!

Name withheld

Dear Friend,
You should talk to him about it. It will hurt him, but it hurts you two already the way things are now. You do not need to tell him he disgusts you, you can use gentler words. But you can say that he doesn't attract you any longer, and while you love him, you do not feel comfortable having sex with him.

Be prepared thought that he might say things that will hurt you, simply because he is hurt as well. People do that, they often react by attacking when hurt, no matter if the one who hurt them is doing it on purpose or not. He doesn't know what he would have done in your shoes because he isn't in your shoes. Neither is it cruel of you to not be attracted to him any longer. Try to explain this to him, try to talk to him in a calm manner.