14 October,2010 08:25 AM IST | | Dear Diana
Illustration/
Dear Diana,
satish acharya
I am a 31-year-old guy and for a year I have been dating this 33-year-old divorcee. Her ex-husband was violent and she went through hell in her eight-year marriage. At times she is most loving and caring. At other times she is temperamental and makes sarcastic remarks against me.
Seems to me like she enjoys thisu00a0 power game. We have nearly broken up several times. She sometimes accuses me of not being attentive and often makes disparaging remarks toward men in general. I care for her a lot but am very unsure whether this relationship has a future. I've tried talking to her about it but she gets upset and threatens to break up with me. She has gone to Indore for two weeks and I feel a sense of relief.
I find myself dreading her return in case we have another confrontation. I'm not sure how much of her possessive behaviour is a result of her past, but I would not dare bring this up. I have a lot of pressure from my immediate family to get married. I'd hate to be alone for the rest of my life. I am just not sure where to go from here.
Nirmal
Dear Nirmal,
It's hard not to feel bad for you after reading what you are going through. It may be hard for you to understand or accept but she must beu00a0 still torn up emotionally from the years of abuse she has suffered. It isu00a0 likely that she developed a distorted view of what is a 'good and loving way' to be in a relationship. I think her sarcasm and demeaning remarks are defence mechanisms to hide her insecurities and fears from you. She should've sought professional counselling before entering into a relationship with you, because now you are living with her emotional baggage. If you really love her, then talk to her and try to help her.u00a0
Tell your woman how hard it is for you to endure what she puts you through at a time when you are also under pressure from your family. Hopefully, this could be the springboard for her to seek some help or try to change. She really needs time to heal and work through her past troubles. If you can't wait, or don't think she is capable of change, then it might be best to end this. Relationships should be happy. If you are dreading her return, it is a really bad sign.
He is moving away from me...
Dear Diana,
My boyfriend and I are in college and have been dating for 10 months. Lately it seems like he's pulling away from me. I can tell he still loves me but sometimes I wonder if maybe he's not sure anymore. What can I do to make us closer? Name withheld on request
Dear friend,
Many people change as they go through college. You may not be the same girl you originally were, and he may not be the same guy. Is he doing something that leads you to believe he isn't interested anymore? If there aren't any signs, then you are just paranoid. Don't try to fix what isn't broke.
My wife caught me cheating...
Dear Diana,
I am a 25-year-old male. I have been married for six months. My wife caught my texts of sexual nature to a girl I met online. And she is very angry. She has gone off to her mother's house and hasn't spoken to me for four days. I am afraid that she might walk out on me. I would never physically cheat on her but am addicted to online chat and text messages. I don't want to lose her. What do I do?
Sanjay
Dear Friend,
Your marriage is in deep trouble if you would spend hours in front of the computer talking to random women, rather than having a conversation with your wife. Emotional cheating is as bad as physical cheating. Addictions of any sort can only be sorted out by totally abstaining from whatever tempts you -- alcoholics have to stay away from the booze, smokers have to stay away from cigarettes and you have to stay away from chat rooms.
Whenever you feel tempted to go online for a chat, purposely do something else instead. Start a new email account to block contact with your internet ladies. Apologise to your wife, promise you will change. She must be very hurt and upset and you better grovel to woo her back.
