My besties were gay

At different junctures in life, I discovered that several people around me enjoy a different flavour of sex homosexuality. Hatred, disgust, pity, embarrassment, understanding, thrill, smiles, support and care I have, perhaps, felt every bit of it for them at some point or the other. However, when I touched sexuality beyond the single-most popular dimension of sex, I realised it isn't about the body or genitals, but about the heart, which doesn't understand anything of physical form. As they say, the heart has its reasons of which reason doesn't know.u00a0u00a0

I belong to a small town in Bihar, where even sex is an 'issue'. Obviously, no one even wants to accept something such as homosexuality even exists. But then, my nine-year-stay at a boys' boarding school in Delhi made me face the 'other kind'. A decade back, on December 31, I had just returned from an educational excursion to Nainital. I was in the ninth standard, and my classmates were planning a New Year's eve party.

Everyone was invited, and so was my good friend, Nikhil. But he didn't turn up till the last moment. So, I went looking in his dormitory. It was a long, dark room, enveloped in grave-like silence. I thought my friend wasn't missing, but just then, there was a feeble voice somewhere. On impulse, I shouted, "Nikhil, is that you?" Bang came a whisper for a reply. "Yes, Saurav. You go ahead. I'll join you later." But I knew there was someone else in the room, and my suspicious side couldn't believe itself. Hurriedly, I returned with several obvious questions.

After half an hour or so, Nikhil came, and asked me to come for a walk. I agreed reluctantly. There was an awkward silence. Finally, the bomb was dropped. "I am love with a guy and I stand at a no-reversal point. I know it's unusual, but that's the way it is. I may even go for a sex change." I was concerned. "Think again. There's no future in it. you'll become a subject of mockery. You know how it is in boys' school, don't you?"

But, nothing changed. They shared a bed, exchanged love cards and hickeys, and had the usual marital-type tiffsu00a0 but I grew distant; I didn't want to be mocked at. My decision wasn't painful, because Nikhil was a friend I could afford to lose. But the shock wasn't to end. Three years down the line, my best friend and schoolmate Rohit told me that he, too, was attracted towards Nikhil. I abused, slapped and cursed Rohit for his revelation, and urged him to visit a brothel to get his facts right. I couldn't afford to lose yet another friend. I did
everything I could, to make sure he doesn't thin about guys. That's when we excessively and deliberately watched heterosexual porn, went bird-watching and did dirty guy talk. But deep down, I had started respecting homosexuality, and perceiving it more maturely, so much so that when a gay guy made my life miserable for almost three months at Delhi University, I never reacted with anger. I might have learnt my lesson the hard way, but realised how love doesn't have to do much with gender. It's high time we all realised it.