If Santa Claus could make it happen

Representation pic

Bumpy roads, bumpy roads
Bumpy all the way
Oh, what a pain it is to ride
On a back-breaking commute home,
Hey! Bumpy roads, bumpy roads
Bumpy all the way
Oh, what a pain it is to ride
On a back-breaking commute home!

Sir PM was off-key and the lyrics were all out of sync; yet he was undeterred, and carried on with immense confidence. After all, it was only a few minutes since both friends just walked out of Holy Name Cathedral in Colaba after listening to a memorable carol singing performance by the Stop Gaps

Ensemble. Inspired by what he heard, he decided to improvise one of the more popular Christmas carols his mother had taught him when he was a little boy. Of course, this was a far cry from the traditional carols that resonated in every corner of the landmark, a favourite spot for both friends to drop by especially this time of the year.

"So, what did you think of this version of Jingle Bells, my Lady? I was inspired by what I heard inside," Sir PM prodded his friend, in the hope some praise would flow. Sidestepping the difficult part, Lady Flora swiftly moved to the easier thing, "In a Wooden Box was my favourite of the lot; I last heard it at St Paul's Cathedral by their choir, when I was holidaying in London one Christmas many moons ago. What was yours, Pheroze?" Sir PM's mood was a bit crushed by his friend's response and he replied softly, "Mine was Silent Night. But what did you think of this carol I just made up? I thought it might be nice to gently put across our message to my former bosses, since they don't seem to be listening to the poor commuters' woes for God knows how long. I thought a bit of a festive ring might help get
some traction…"

Lady Flora tried to be diplomatic, "Well, if you must know - it wasn't the best rendition. I am sorry, Pheroze but I know your heart is in the right place, and it beats for the Bombaywallah at all times. That in itself is commendable." She felt as if she'd dodged a bullet because her friend managed a half-smile.

"My Lady, I also thought of roping in good ole reliable St Nicholas, aka Santa Claus, to perhaps put some added pressure on the civic gods. Who knows, they might
blink because of his ‘super' powers…" he smiled. "And how do you plan to wing that, Pheroze," Lady Flora did an eyeroll. "Oh, it was simple. I wrote him a letter on our behalf, just like old times. Here's the draft…" he pulled out a photocopy of a handwritten letter. Both friends halted by the porch of the stunning lit Wesley Methodist Church, to read the letter.

Dear Santa,
This may come as a surprise given the nature of our request. We've been nice, and not naughty, unlike some of your other letter-writers.
Our first wish for Christmas is for the greater cause of this great city, Bombay/Mumbai. Its people have been deprived of better facilities, especially with public transport. A majority of its population relies on local trains, buses and autos for their commute. Year after year, they haven't been able to improve facilities for a burgeoning population. The civic gods haven't been able to meet their expectations despite repeated petitions.

Secondly, we suggest you DO NOT use your sleigh when you visit the city. Your reindeer will need immediate treatment at the animal hospital in Parel. The roads
are in a permanently dug-up state, with barricades and other roadblocks. It's for your own benefit. Thank us later. But on a related note, please put in a word to the authorities who run the city to act soon and promptly. It's been a hopeless scenario for so long that we all need urgent physiotherapy to maintain our spines.

Lastly, we hope you could gift a few goodies from the North Pole to them, and also share your thoughts on climate change. It must be better than what we've been experiencing here. Insufficient green cover, aggressive concretisation and less focus on saving mangroves and our urban forest is a bother that will affect the city. Perhaps your worldly-wise advice from all your travels, might have a better impact.

On that note, we wish you safe travels and good health. Please wear a mask when you do your rounds in our city. And we call it smog here, not fog.

Sincerely,
Sir PM Mehta and Lady Flora

"Bravo! I am impressed with this letter. Thank you for including me as co-signee. Let's hope that St Nick can get the job done," said an expectant Lady Flora." Sir PM smiled at his friend, "That, my Lady, will be a modern Christmas miracle. We can never give up. And now have ‘super' Santa Claus on our side."

mid-day's Features Editor Fiona Fernandez relishes the city's sights, sounds, smells and stones...wherever the ink and the inclination takes her. She tweets @bombayana

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