‘To not judge makes for a free-flowing relationship’

Madhuri Iyer (left) and Heta Pandit in Madhuri’s Colaba home. Pics/Shadab Khan

Heta Pandit, 70, Writer and architectural historian

Madhuri Iyer, 65, Ad woman, author and artist

THE varied hats Heta Pandit has effortlessly worn include a stint with Dr Jane Goodall in Africa at a chimpanzee research station, before joining the advertising world with Ogilvy & Mather and Clarion. She acknowledges how Clarion agency bosses permitted her to skip parties, evening and weekend soirees, to head off volunteering with organisations like the World Wildlife Fund, Bombay Natural History Society and Bombay Environmental Action Group. In the early '80s, she wrote the wonderful column, Bombay Walkabout, for Sunday mid-day. The independent researcher has authored 11 books on Goan culture and is Co-Director of Heritage First Goa.

A copywriter for over two decades in leading agencies across Bombay, Dubai and Canada, Madhuri Iyer considers her artistic journey integral to who she is. Among her novels are Manhattan Mango, The Strongman's Daughter and Pink Champagne. In non-fiction she has produced The Supermom Cookbook. A passionate, prolific painter as well, with oil on canvas her preferred medium, she exhibits in India and abroad. The living room of her Colaba home, where we meet, displays luminous examples of these.

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Heta Pandit: Meeting at Clarion around 1982 in Bombay, we took to each other immediately. People in advertising are assumed to be a little full of themselves. Unassuming, Mads didn't care if she repeated her favourite pink chikan kurta set twice a week. She was only concerned about how you were.

Madhuri Iyer: Observing this quiet, gorgeous-looking writer with curiosity, I was immediately drawn to her zen energy. She seemed self-contained, unperturbed by the chaotic madness of the agency. Was she for real? I knew right away, Heta wasn't going to be just another colleague. In the bad, mad advertising world of the 1980s, she was special, a breath of fresh air. I recall beer drinking evenings at Cafe Ideal on Marine Drive where we'd sometimes head from office. There was a kindred soul connection as writers too.

HP: The Clarion culture wasn't cut-throat competitive. Anyone nursing a morning hangover got their copy, written by others, submitted to the accounts executive. I'll never forget the day that Mads announced she and Suresh were getting married. So casual, no fuss. The single day she was late for work was when she went to the bank to add her new surname.

MI: I met Heta's family at her place in Bandra. Her lovely mom Manijeh was such an inspiration for us all.

HP: My clairvoyant cousin Gool, who influenced our spiritual side, and other friends from advertising, would meet up once a month at the Taj Land's End - the high point of my Bombay trip once I settled in Goa.

MI: More recently, our hangout is Title Waves in Bandra. Heta keeps her own counsel. Basically, it's me letting off steam while she hears me out.

Iyer (right) and Pandit at the 40-year reunion of Clarion at the Yacht Club earlier this month. Pic/Dinesh Khanna

HP: My main advice: live your life. Be there for children and friends when they reach out. Don't butt in. It was friends at Clarion who gave me the confidence to follow my own heart and path, listen to the drummer inside my head - and Mads has always been that friend.

MI: For some reason Heta considered me her wardrobe consultant. We'd traipse off to small Bandra shops in search of that perfect dress. She could carry off almost anything, which certainly helped.

HP: When Mads released Manhattan Mango, I flew from Goa to attend the launch. When I bought my own house in Goa, she made it a point to visit. However short my Bombay trip, she tops my list of friends to meet.

MI: Heta is unstoppable. Every time we meet, she's on to another writing project. The time, research and dedication she puts into her books is amazing. Her Grinding Stories, for example, is a labour of love. It takes great empathy to translate simple joys, the trivial and mundane, into meaningful stories as she has done. To me, it defines who she is.

HP: With Mads, I have the reassurance of knowing that shared personal exchanges won't go beyond. The secret of our friendship? It involves no gossip.

MI: Frivolous stuff simply doesn't need to come up, there's much else to discuss. Wavelength is important. As we entered our 60s, conversations often turned to positive energies, happy vibes, a constructive give and take. Her nephew Farhad calls Heta a "thandi tapeli" - so apt to describe her coolness.

HP: I've learnt how to manage assets, how to manage people from Mads. If looking for a mean bone, you'll certainly not find it in Mads. I immensely admire her ability to bring and keep people together.

MI: Soft-spoken and smiling that she is, the twinkle in Heta's eye belies her calm exterior. She has a lively sense of the ridiculous. Living life on her terms, she has emerged stronger after ups and downs, achieving more than most people. You couldn't pick a fight with this girl even if wanted to. She disarms anyone. If ever I lecture her, it's because I feel deeply for her well-being. She'll hear me out patiently, then do precisely as she pleases!

HP: The ability to not judge makes for an organic, free-flowing relationship, sustainable over time. I never hear Mads say, "You haven't called in ages, where have you been?" There is a certain ego brush when you hear that. Bombay and Bandra have a lot to do with our friendship. Wherever we shifted, for work or pleasure, Bandra moved with us.

MI: We've been geographically isolated for long periods of time. Me in Canada, the US… Heta managing tea estates in Kerala, having all kinds of adventures. Catching up, there was no lapse, we just continued our journey without missing a beat. She shuttles between Goa, Panchgani and Mumbai. I divide weeks between Mumbai, Coonoor and now clocking frequent flyer miles to London where I enjoy quality time with my baby granddaughter Jiya. But this city built our bonds. It is our comfort zone.

Author-publisher Meher Marfatia writes monthly on city friendships. You can reach her at meher.marfatia@mid-day.com/www.meher marfatia.com