I live in fear every day: Kobe Bryant's wife

Kobe Bryant with daughter Gianna at a LA Lakers v Dallas Mavericks game on December 29, 2019

Vanessa Bryant testified that she was only beginning to grieve the loss of her husband, basketball star Kobe Bryant, and their daughter Gianna, 13, when she was faced with the fresh horror of learning that sheriff's deputies and firefighters had shot and shared photos of their bodies at the site of the helicopter crash that killed them.

"I felt like I wanted to run, run down the block and scream," she said on Friday, her tears turning to sobs and her voice quickening.

‘I can't escape'

"It was like the feeling of wanting to run down a pier and jump into the water. The problem is I can't escape. I can't escape my body." During her three hours on the witness stand in a Los Angeles federal court, where she is suing LA County for invasion of privacy over the pictures, Bryant said she had fought to get through both public and private memorials for her loved ones and seven others who were killed on January 26, 2020, and thought she was ready to really begin the grieving process about a month later.

Vanessa Bryant arrives at LA Federal Court on Friday to testify over graphic photos taken by first responders at the helicopter crash site that killed her husband Kobe Bryant, daughter Gianna and seven others in January 2020. Pics/Getty Images

She was with friends and her surviving daughters, and holding her 7-month-old baby, when she received a call about a Los Angeles Times story on the crash-site photos. "I bolted out of the house and around to the side so my girls wouldn't see," she said. "I was blindsided again, devastated, hurt. I trusted them. I trusted them not to do these things."

Evidence presented at trial showed that a sheriff's deputy showed a photo of Bryant's body to a bartender as he drank, spurring an official complaint from another man drinking nearby, and that firefighters shared them with each other at an awards banquet. Others shared them with spouses. An attorney for the county said the photos had been taken only because they were essential for assessing the site moments after the crash, and that when LA County Sheriff Alex Villanueva learned they were being shared, he demanded they all be deleted.

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No photos emerged publicly, but Vanessa Bryant said she has constant worry that some still might. "I live in fear every day of being on social media and these popping up," she testified.

She said the thought keeps her awake at night as she lies next to her three-year-old and her five-year-old, and sometimes leads to panic attacks in which she can't breathe. Under cross-examination from J Mira Hashmall, the lawyer representing LA County at the trial, Bryant testified that she had not received any medical diagnosis of having had panic attacks, or any mental health disorder, nor had she taken any medications for them.

Draining therapy sessions

She said she had talked to a therapist for about 18 months after the crash, but had not since. "I feel like sometimes it helps," Bryant said, "but sometimes it's completely draining."

Hashmall spent much of her 90-minute cross-examination going through the business roles Bryant now plays, including acting as president of her husband's multimedia company, Granity Studios, overseeing the publication of one book he wrote and helping to finish and publish another.

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