After some players marred India’s win over England in the recent Test match with their public display of aggression, experts dish out advice on how to keep the emotion in check in daily life
Our angry words leave a harmful impact on those they are directed at. Representation pic
It didn't make for pleasant viewing. The recent Test match between India and England might have ended in a thrilling victory for our country, but the level of aggression on display from certain players took some of the shine away from it. This holds true especially for Virat Kohli. The captain is known to be a person who wears his heart on his sleeve. But in this match, he was at his aggressive best — or should we say 'worst'? — exchanging angry words with James Anderson, Jos Buttler and Ollie Robinson. He seemed especially menacing in his interaction with Buttler, pointing threatening fingers at him like a school teacher reprimanding a true pupil. And his brazen aggression had a domino effect on teammates, with even relative newcomers like Mohammad Shiraj crossing the line of gentlemanly behaviour.
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A column in this paper recently lamented the lack of grace and dignity that the captain displayed, even though the Indian players ultimately did win the match. But what if they hadn't? How would people have then viewed Kohli's angry antics?
The real question is here, how much anger is too much, and what can one do to control it? This affects not just cricketers, but the average person too, at home and also in the workplace. When we say hurtful things in a burst of aggression, it affects not just our own mental health, but also that of the person at the receiving end of our ire. But there are ways in which we can channelize our angry emotions, so that we are able to process them in a way that can even be beneficial to everyone involved. How exactly do we do that? Two experts dish out tips for anger management that you, too, can take on board in your daily life.
Virat Kohli (left) in a heated exchange with James Anderson at the recent Test match in England. Pic/AFP
>> Don’t bottle it up: It’s important to recognise that anger is a legitimate emotion, says mental health professional and wellness coach Dr Umesh Wadhavani. He says, “When something happens to trigger angry emotions, it is a natural feeling. It can have both positive and negative outcomes. But if you bottle it up and don’t acknowledge it at all, that will necessarily have a negative impact in the long run. There is a saying in Hindi, ‘Maine apna gussa pee liya.’ That’s wrong because when you do that, you are suppressing your anger. You are piling up that emotion, which might make you angry at tiny things in the future.”
>> Talk it out: Dr Wadhavani says that it’s an old-school thought that if a person is angry, they should work out or go for a run. “Research is now showing that it’s a sign of post-traumatic stress disorder [PTSD] because you are layering your anger with something else,” he explains. Instead, it’s better to acknowledge the emotion and talk to someone about it, saying, “This is what’s happened and this is how I’m feeling about it.” The expert says, “The problem with extreme emotions is that they make us lose touch with reality. That is why we end up doing things we wouldn’t have done otherwise, like throwing things.”
>> Practise grounding: Dr Wadhavani also says that it helps to focus on your breathing. It connects you to the present, he says. Also, connect with your body. It can be as simple as lying down on a bed so that your sensation of touch is activated when your skin comes in contact with the surface. “Try and activate as many senses as you can,” the doctor says, adding, “You can even light an incense stick or spray something fragrant in your room.” The entire exercise, he says, is termed as ‘grounding’.
Dr Umesh Wadhavani and Kanchan Rai
>> Keep a kit: Kanchan Rai, mental and wellbeing coach who’s the founder of Let Us Talk, tells us that in some cases, she advises people to keep an anger management kit with them. These could have things like a pen and paper for you write down your emotions to process them better; essential oils that can help calm you down if you inhale them; a photograph, maybe of family members, that reminds you of happier times; and something to eat, like a candy with a flavour that you like.
>> Seek help: In extreme cases, it’s always advisable to go for therapy or counselling. Both Rai and Dr Wadhavani echo this piece of advice. The latter says, “People who get triggered easily should recognise that they have a long-term mental health issue. Counsellors and therapists work amazingly well in such cases. You have suppressed your emotions over the years. But if you talk about them, you are de-cluttering your whole life, which is always a good thing.”
Losing it all
It's not just the Indian cricket team. Many sportspersons have been affected negatively on the field because they let their anger get the better of them. John McEnroe famously lost his cool at an umpire during the US Open in 1984, losing the match to Ivan Lendl when he should have won it. Mike Tyson bit Evander Holyfield's ear in a boxing match in 1997 that he eventually lost. And then there is Zinedine Zidane head-butting Marco Materazzi in the 2006 football World Cup final, which led to him to be red-carded in the final match of his career. Italy ended up winning against France, but who knows which way the match would have gone had Zidane kept his cool.
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