He wants to move abroad, I don’t!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My husband wants to move to another country, but I don't, and this is causing serious issues between us. We have been married for two years and have no children. He has no real relationship with his family, but I have strong ties and close friendships that I cannot break. He says I should be able to give up this for our future because he wants to start a family and can't do it here. He didn't mention this before we were married, and I can't understand why this has become such a big deal. My family is upset because they can't imagine living far from me. I am getting to a stage where I have to choose between my marriage and my family, and I can't decide. Should I ask for a divorce? I love my husband, but I can't give up my life just because he has a dream.
You have to evaluate the extent of what you are giving up and make a decision based on all possible ramifications. Ask friends and family for advice, do your homework about the place he wants to move to, and arm yourself with facts about what such a shift will mean for your physical and mental well-being. Being in love and making sacrifices for your future are noble goals, but you should also base your decision on how this will impact you alone. Your husband has little to lose, which isn't the case for you. Also, starting a family is an important, life-changing thing. To do it under duress is never a good idea because it can cause unforeseen issues for you both in the future.

How do I stop being intimidating and frightening people off after two or three dates?
Try and be clearer about what you mean when you refer to yourself as intimidating. Ask for advice and reach out to some people you have dated for suggestions on what they think you could have done better. Also, try not to be too harsh on yourself.

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