We’ve lost our earlier spark...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

How does one know when a relationship has run its course? My partner and I have been together for four years and we had a good run until a year or so ago. Since then, we have been taking each other for granted in ways that wouldn't seem possible earlier. We don't bother explaining why we aren't meeting, avoid chatting when one of us is busy and, in general, don't care if we meet once a month or not. I know we care about each other, but I am asking myself if that is reason enough to stay in this relationship. Should I be the first one to say that this isn't working, and that I want more? I miss how it used to be in the earlier years, when we genuinely enjoyed being with each other. What do I do?
You can start by expressing how you feel and finding out if your partner feels the same way. Skirting the issue or refusing to acknowledge that there is a problem only postpones the inevitable. If you are both convinced that things have deteriorated, the two options available are to change, or let go. This can't be done by you alone, and one of you has to initiate the conversation because there appears to be some apathy on that front too. A relationship can be saved only when the people in it want to save it.

My boyfriend was on dating apps before he met me, and we began a relationship. He still gets messages from women he went on dates with. Is this okay? I don't want to ask him to stop texting them, but I find it strange.
He has no reason to have conversations with strangers, so your concern is justified. Ask him why he needs the apps on his phone, given that it's the only way these messages can come through. If something bothers you, speaking up is important because it's how your relationship will evolve. No issue will magically disappear without being addressed.

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