When a word costs dear

MAYBE he didn't mean it the way it came across or maybe he did, even if inadvertently. But the optics were all wrong when commentator and former New Zealand seamer Danny Morrison recently referred to ace cricketer Mithali Raj as 'my dear' while talking to her during a post-match interview as part of the Women's T20 Challenge that ended yesterday. There were some journalists on social media who construed the phrase as being condescending. One of them, cricket columnist Isabelle Westbury, wrote, "Don't call international sportswomen 'my dear' in interviews. You wouldn't say it to a man." That's a fair point, feels Mumbai-based life coach Farzana Suri. She explains, "It's tantamount to a passive-aggressive approach, where you are treating the other person like a child who doesn't know much."

But it's not just Morrison or 'my dear'. There are certain phrases that all men should steer clear of while interacting with women in a professional milieu, since these only further an innate patriarchal tendency that — sometimes unwittingly — creeps into workplace discourse. One of these is 'you guys'. "I hear it happening a lot in business circles, where people tend to use it carte blanche for everyone in a room. Why not use something like 'team' or 'you folks' instead?" Suri asks, adding that calling a female senior 'bossy' can also reveal a gender bias since that adjective is rarely used for a man, just like terms including 'honey' or 'sweetheart' aren't either.

Mithali Raj

That apart, check yourself from asking personal questions to women — and indeed male — colleagues either. "Are you married? Do you have a boyfriend? There is no need to ask such questions unless the other person volunteers to give the information," Suri says. She adds that it's generally best to avoid any comment that stereotypes a certain gender, giving us the example of a client of hers to elucidate her point.

Farzana Suri

This woman had recently learnt how to drive, which is why she wasn't smooth behind the wheel. This made her the butt of jokes among her male colleagues about women being rash drivers, albeit behind her back. But one day, she overheard a snarky comment. And she firmly put the perpetrator in his place in a room full of people, asking him, "How different is your wife, sister or anyone else? Did they learn to drive [like a champion] as soon as they put their foot on the pedal for the first time?" The jibe had its desired effect, and no one made any sarcastic jokes about her driving thereafter.

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