Sunday MiD DAY's Anti-Critic Sorabh Pant is taking the often beaten track
Sunday MiD DAY's Anti-Critic Sorabh Pant is taking the often beaten track
Western Railway Fight Club
Rating: TRYu00a0u00a0 
Rules Of Western Railway Fight Club
Rule 1: Kripya do not fight near the door.*
Rule 2: Fighting is only for valid ticket holders.
Rule 3: No kicking or punching this may harm fellow passengers. (And, there's no space to do so.)
Rule 4: A three-minute pre-fight scream is mandatory, with minimal six abuses.
Secret Rule 6 (For Women only): First one to pull hair is the winner.
* This is a train fight, don't let it get serious.
A train is the common man's spa, and, the train fight is a full body massage. There is a lot of pushing and shoving and pressing but nobody gets injured. Both participants are left de-stressed as it costs just Rs 6 to get into one.
Screaming at your co-passenger is like talking to the receptionist, "Tu MC/ BC", is our way of asking, "Is the masseuse free, please?" If the answer is, "Teri bhi M ki C/ BC", it means, "Yes, please step right this way," followed by the first relaxing panzee punch to your chest.
At the end both parties head home happy, with just a shirt pocket torn, a 'happy ending' not all massages can promise.
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Meals On Tracks
Rating: FRY
There is confusion on this, so let me clear it out: Mumbaikars who travel in trains are people too. Yes. Seriously. We are. You may doubt it as we're packed in like chickens, ignored like rabid stray dogs and fed like garbage pigs.
Need proof? Sample the array of delights at Jogeshwari Station's food thella. This has just one benefit - to train your stomach. The vada pav that was lying uncovered on the counter and handed to you by the grubby hands of your local Railway 'chef' is a gastric antidote. Get used to eating it, and you'll never suffer a gastric problem in your life.
WR's Voice-Over Lady
Rating: DIE
The shortest distance between two points is a WR train. That geometric truth is why we Mumbaikars loved the trains, until the advent of the VO Lady.
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"Agla station Mahalaxmi", "Next Station Mahalaxmi", "Pudha station Mahalaxmi". Two times over in three languages she screams in her nail-scratching chalkboard voice. Which idiot passenger needs six reminders of the next station? Is he thinking that she is telling him of the station that just passed? And, is he sitting there, thinking, "Oh how mean, the lady is making fun of me missing my stop", and then bursting into tears?
We're Mumbai's train travelers, we figured out the complicated Western-Central- Harbour suburbran railways station routes we're not stupid! If you said, "Mahalaxmi", twice over, that's all we need. If you want to do a monologue, refer to train fight above.
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