Desi superhero

So, one of the producers of Avengers: Endgame called me. "Yo, hi, um, we need your help

So, one of the producers of Avengers: Endgame called me. "Yo, hi, um, we need your help. We believe that Avengers: Endgame made more money just on the opening weekend in India, than a whole bunch of Bollywood films put together in 2019. What did you think of our blockbuster?"

I said, "I was totally confused by the film. Your scriptwriters pulled together every superhero known to mankind in one movie: Ironman, Spiderman, Captain America, The Incredible Hulk, Ant Man, Black Panther, Thor, Black Widow. Why didn't you include even more superheroes to confuse me further? You left out Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Daredevil, Green Lantern, Tarzan, Phantom, Smriti Irani, Archie."

"Ah, got you. Archie isn't a superhero," the producer said.

"Well, ever since he was born into the English royal family, he is now a superhero," I said triumphantly.
"Okay," the voice continued. "Here's where we need your assistance. We want to make an Indian version of the Avengers franchise."

"Why not just dub the English dialogues in Hindi? Or, subtitle them?"

"No, no, we want the Indian flavour. We want authentic Indian superheroes."

"Like Chhota Bheem?"

"No, no, no. Chhota Bheem is a copy of Superman. We are looking at fully desi. See it all started when we saw Priyanka Chopra at the Met Gala last week. That outfit she wore, that hairstyle designed by Veerappan the bandit and Malinga the bowler, has truly been created from a galaxy far, far away.

"We want to begin a franchise with her at the centre, in which she leads a band of superheroes and superheroines on many dangerous missions. We have 22 such movies in mind, involving all these characters in various combinations.

"So, we want to make an Indian original. These are the characters we have in mind — in some cases we even have casting options. Let us know what you think. So, Priyanka Chopra is Met Gal, a princess from the Jonas family; Ranveer Singh is a rapper-cum-hero called Gully Boy; MS Dhoni plays Batman, except he wears a yellow outfit; then we're looking to cast DreRuss, who belongs to an intergalactic outfit ruled by someone called the Badshah of the KKR. Then there's MukAmBo, who is a super geek, who owns a secret toy store called Hamleys. There is the first police superhero named Singham Simmba Sooryavanshi (SSS Man). There is a young superboy called PappuBoy, who invokes memories of his father named Bhrashtachar. Like them, there are many others. These heroes don't always fly in the sky, sometimes they go by sea, via the INS Viraat. In each blockbuster film, this group of superheroes will be joined by new characters and face new challenges."

I then asked the question. "Don't these movies, have a supervillain, someone that everyone fears, but they must defeat — like that powerful guy from Endgame — what's his name? Thanos, right?"

"Yes, we have a huge fictional super antagonist. He has the power to do anything he wants. He is
named NaMos."

Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at
[email protected]

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