How one is raised is learned behaviour, which means it can and should be unlearned if it is causing one’s partner pain
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I have been friends with someone I work with, and it used to be great because we have been in the same office for half a decade. Recently, however, we had a huge argument and haven’t spoken for a month. I don’t think this is something we can resolve because it was a serious fight, and it made me realise that this isn’t someone I want in my life. The problem is, we are going to keep working for the same organisation and I want to make it clear to this person that I am okay with a professional relationship but don’t want any personal connection anymore. How do I do this without making things hard for both of us at work?
It shouldn’t be hard if you can both sit down at the office canteen, talk about boundaries, and ask that they be respected. This person presumably wants a stress-free situation at work too, so behaving like adults and agreeing to put aside personal issues or animosity for professional reasons should be a perfectly reasonable request. This isn’t something that can happen without a frank discussion though, so reach out and ask for a meeting. The sooner you do this, the easier it will be to settle into a new dynamic as colleagues rather than friends. There may be some awkwardness for a while, but that is only to be expected.
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Is it possible my husband does not understand the concept of being respectful? He just orders me around and I think it’s because of the way he was raised because I don’t doubt his love or respect for me. It’s his inability to show it through actions that makes me angry. I have tried to explain this to him but it’s a pattern that keeps repeating.
If he says something but doesn’t show it, he is not being respectful despite what you might think. How one is raised is learned behaviour, which means it can and should be unlearned if it is causing one’s partner pain.
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