Should I be more aggressive or tell them up front that I am not looking for new friends?
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I am a 25-year-old guy and have been trying to get into a relationship for years. Whenever I ask someone out, we go to dinner, have a good time, and then stop speaking after a few days. I have asked a number of girls to consider a relationship with me and they always say that they think I’m a great guy they want to be friends with. I don’t know what I am doing wrong, or if I am sending the wrong kind of signals, but I want to stop this and get them to take me seriously as someone who can have a deeper relationship with them than just friendship. Should I be more aggressive or tell them up front that I am not looking for new friends?
It feels as if you’re being aggressive enough by being so vocal against the notion of friendship. It is often the precursor to something romantic, because a lot of people like to be in relationships with people they trust. It is a good thing to be thought of as someone worth being friends with, and taking it the wrong way is insulting to those who are offering you their friendship. It’s normal to want to get into a relationship, but there is nothing normal about forcing yourself or someone else to be in one. Maybe the thing to keep in mind is that this is a process, not a shopping excursion. You can be honest about what you’re looking for, but you should also be prepared to put in the time and work required for this to happen. Be patient, kind, and attentive to the person you’re with, and you will change how they look at you.
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How many times should a couple be physically intimate with each other after they have agreed to a serious commitment?
As consenting adults with individual needs and expectations, this differs from person to person. Talking about it with honesty is the best way to arrive at a response that makes sense.
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